Communication Tools

I think one of the greatest things you can do to make any relationship better is to develop good communication tools.

For example: early in my marriage I would get frustrated when I would come home from work, take off my shoes, start to relax, get really comfortable, and then get asked to do something outside the house (i.e. look at the car, get something from the store).  So my wife and I had a conversation about it and we came up with a communication tool to solve the problem.  When I got home from work and was ready to relax I would ask her, "Can I take off my shoes?"  What this really meant was, "If there is anything else you want me to do that would require me to go outside you need to ask now."  There were plenty of times where she asked me to do something and I did it.  There were also plenty of times where she told me I could take off my shoes, thought of something later, and had do it herself.

Why am I bringing this up now?  I just saw a recommendation that a writer should block out time to write. They weren't talking about 10-15 minutes in a day.  They were talking about taking real time, away from distraction, to get lost in your writing.  For me I need hours to write without any distractions.  Hours where I am surprised when someone taps me on the shoulder because I wasn't aware I was in my office; I was in the story.  The way I get that time comes back to communication.

When I first started trying to write I would get interrupted all the time.  I had to explain to my family that an interruption in my writing was just like getting interrupted when programming; a 30 second interruption is a 40 minute delay.  Why? It takes that long to get back into the frame of mind you were in when you got interrupted.  So we struck a deal.  When my headphones are on, no one interrupts me.  It has worked like a charm.

For 20 years of marriage we have tried to come away from every disagreement with a communication tool.  We have a very big tool box, and it makes the relationship stronger, deeper, and richer than you can imagine.  The next time you have a disagreement, see if you can come out of it with a communication tool to improve your life.